How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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