Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
a search helicopter?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
