i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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