Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
