is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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