The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
