You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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