Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
