Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
