in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
