i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
