I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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