I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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