That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
