apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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