I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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