i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
