wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
