Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
