Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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