I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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