I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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