No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize