the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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