god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
