his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
