You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
