I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
