He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
