I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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