My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
