theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
