the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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