You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
