So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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