she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
