Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize