lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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