I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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