i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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