When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
