He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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