It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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