I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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