she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
