My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
