Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
