Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
