Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
