I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
