I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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