I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
