She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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