Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
