so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
