Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize