we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
