your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize