i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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