Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
