Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
