Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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