i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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