you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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