When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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