There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
