I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
try to milk me bitch
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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