Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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