Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
