Will you blow on my dice?
you win again, gameday.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
