Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
