i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
