the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
