Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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