In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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