My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
