all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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