that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
