I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
