Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
