So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
