This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize