The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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