I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize