A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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