i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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