Jerry, you need to find god
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
