the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
