i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
