had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
