My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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