im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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