Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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