Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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