Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
