my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
