just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
