you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
