Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
