I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
