My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize